Waiting

I’m not sure how much sense this will make or if it has its place here…but it’s my blog so I do what I want…and if someone silently thinks “me too…” We’ll then my words have done something. And that’s a gift in and if itself now isn’t it? Thank you in advance<;3

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Do you ever find yourself lying on the floor in the dark.
And just thinking.
Just being quiet and thinking.
And next thing you know it’s a month later and you’ve been in a thought coma?

That is my winter. As the days get shorter the will to “do” gets shorter too…and it’s exhausting. I have no other way of putting it. I have no words to express it. My family just refers to it as “Audrey has a case of the sadsies”. They get angry because they dint understand…and i cant put it into words- which makes no sense, but that’s what I’ve been working with for 10+ years.This is where I’ve been. And I’d say I’m sorry…but I feel as though sorry is reserved for mistakes we’ve made or moments we’ve wronged…and I don’t think I’ve done either of those.
I just forgot who I was for a bit…and I’m still trying to find me. I can’t be held accountable for losing myself.
All I can say is that I tried really hard to not end up on the floor, in the dark, listening to John Mayer and The Smiths….and then I slowly lost it. I thought I’d made it And here I am a month later wondering where I’ve been.

Then the other day it was like I woke up. There I was in the middle of darkness when my heart sighed. As if my insides said “oh…there you are” I wonder if this is what the Grinch felt when his heart began to beat again…

And so to all I’d you I say “hello again, I missed you! Hope you’ve missed me too”

<;3 pretty post coming soon <;3

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